The day is coming

I have had so many feelings about Gabe's bday which is February 2nd. It has been nerve racking and at the same time anticipated. I want so bad for him to be here and to be celebrating his very first birthday but unfortunately it will be day of what would have been as well as a celebration of his short but treasured life.

Gabe's grandmother(Nancy) is putting a memorial in the paper for Gabe on February 4th... she wrote this for him and I think it is the sweetest birthday gift. It made me very teary eyed... I love you baby boy.

Gabriel Ivian Doyle

February 2, 2008 – February 4, 2008

February comes with joy and sadness.

A month, we will never forget.

You were given to us and taken away.

To your resting place we wander

with flowers, we place with care.

God only knows how our heart aches

as we turn and leave you there.

You were gone before we knew it

and only God knows why.

It broke our hearts to lose you,

but you did not go alone, for

part of us went with you,

the day God called you Home.

Each time we look at your picture,

you seem to smile and say

“Don’t grieve, we will meet again someday”.

We love you

New year.... New Beginnings

I am hoping this year brings much more happiness that 2008, not saying Gabe's birth was not the happiest day of my life, but him not being here has made my life a little more difficult. However, this year I am bound and determined to continue school ( I am a life long student) and to graduate by 2011. When I returned to school in the fall of 06, I had originally declared my major as early childhood education but had secretly always wanted to do Special Education. I was so worried that I would be at CofC for more than 2ish years that I just kept my major at early childhood. Well, as we all know I got pregnant with Gabe in May and decided to continue school through the summer trying to get the majority of my pre requisites out the way. That was very hard to do considering I had morning sickness and the only thing I could eat was fruit and mac n cheese and my class was at 7:30am. I got through it, that is both Geology classes with a lab and the morning sickness. Since Gabe's death I have been feeling as though I should pursue the major that means the most to me and to graduate with a special education degree no matter how long it may take. I think that my calling is to work with children who have down syndrome and autism and I believe that in a way Gabe made me believe that I do have the patience and the heart to help these children make a difference in this world.

So, I am back in the grind, this time with a job! I am up at 6:15am every Tues and Thursday.... and for those who know me this is not what time I enjoy getting up but well worth it in the end. I am taking one class for now which happens to be the one subject I am horrible at, Probability and Statistics(thank goodness my husband is a math pro). Once I am done with this class and a math part on the Praxis( teaching test to get into the program)I can then enter the program in August of this year. I will then be graduating in 2011.

I hope this year brings my husband and I a little more peace for Gabe's death. It will never be easy and we think of him constantly everyday of our lives . He will always be our first born and will always be in our hearts.