So.... I am browsing my facebook page ( which I absolutely can't get enough of) and realize everyone is pregnant or in the process of popping one eventually. I was looking at a friends page and she is standing in her baby's room holding her child with her husband by her side and of course become overly anxious and upset that this can't be me. Instead, I am in a dead end job that I cannot stand and wondering if I am ever going to have a healthy child....
On that note, I went to my first support group with a very amazing group of women, whom half I went to high school with, and they too miss their babies so deeply but seemed to be finding the good in the holidays. Unlike me, I have found no good in the holidays besides the two days off in a row! I may sound kinda humbugish BUT in an attempt to remember Gabe on Christmas I bought the cutest little elf figurine to put near his picture in our living room. However, this figurine cost me more grief that the five dollars I paid. I was in Super Walmart trying to go through the line and realized I was in the 10 items or less line.... I had more than 10 so I took my purse and backed my buggy. Trying to be the good citizen and find another line, my sweet figurine fell out of the buggy and hit the floor. I stood there for a minute and looked at him... his head had broken from the rest of his body. I picked him up and put his head back together and yes, I put him to the side( the place where you realize you don't need something while waiting in line) and pushed my buggy back to the Christmas section to get another one. I haven't been very emotional when going to the grocery anymore but I was very sad that I dropped the elf figurine. I guess I thought it was a sign... don't know what kind but some sort of sign.
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