Random Thoughts

So this is a random thought! I don't want anyone to take offense but I think that I am so very angry that Gabe is gone! I had so many expectations this year.... one being that he was with us and having his first of holidays, but I don't want to expierence the holidays with my family like I use too. No one understands how life is not fair... a child was born and died for no reason.... my child died for no reason. He was my everything.. the last time I looked into his eyes and yes he was awake, his heart rate went up knowing his mommy and daddy were kissing and hugging him .... he held my finger... looked into my eyes... I remember telling him be a good boy for the nurses and mommy will see you tom. I kissed him goodbye, told him I loved him and left b/c I was in so much pain from a spinal headache and had to return to the hospital. The rest is history... the last people I hoped he saw was Dan and I... I sure hope he knows how much I love him. The 2 days of Gabe's life go through my head everyday like they were yesterday. I think of him so much... I remember him moving around in my belly... I remember him being born.... I remember him so much!